confession of a silly gooseling

i am not that independent as what you think i am

though i can clean the house, cook and survived on my own in kl without a maid here to serve me, but that doesn't mean that i am independent. at times i'm dependent on my housemates on certain problems, i'm dependent on my classmates on getting good grades for my lab reports and assignment to ensure that i got good grades for my overall marks, i'm dependent on my friends on companies and transportation...and at the age of 22-going-to-23, i'm still dependent on my parents on certain aspect.

i am not that brave as what you think i am

i dare not sleep alone. i freak out when there's no electricity. i'm afraid of dark. i'll scream like a lunatic when i see lizards around. i'm scared when i'm boarding a bus alone at puduraya. i'm scared when i'm surrounded with negros in the lift but i know i just have to put on a brave face in front of them so as to let them know that i'm not scared of them.

i am not that smart as what you think i am

no doubt my grades are above average, but that doesn't prove that i'm smart. of all the grades i've achieved...i work extra hard for it. i spent 10 hours studying when others spent like 3 hours? okay, i'm over exaggerating here. lols. but truth is, i wasn't born smart nor stupid. i work and study hard to ensure that i don't repeat my "ungraded results" thingy again.

i am not that friendly as what you think i am

i received a lot of feedbacks from my friends saying that i'm very lansi when they first met me. the truth is, i dislike talking to strangers. i'll only start talking to you naturally after getting to know you better. if you expect me to get close to you after a few sessions of "hie-bye", then forget it. i won't, i'm more introvert. if you expect me to add you in my friendster or facebook after saying hie and bye/ after having a few conversation, then forget it too. i'm more lansi, i admit.

i am not that steady as what you think i am

i'll get nervous when i'm doing my assignment presentation in front of the class. i'll feel insecure if the work i'm doing differs from what others is doing. i'm scared whenever the taxi i'm taking from ktm station back to my condo uses a different route. i'll chicken out if i happen to be a third party in someone's relationship. if there is a problem that i can't solve, then i'll tend to avoid it. sigh. at times, i wish for myself to be as steady as nina or maybe to be as tough as eve chiah. and my greatest fear right now is will i be able to complete my thesis alone? will i be able to cope with my studies as while as giving my best in my thesis at the same time?